MichelleJoyPhelps

Ugh, so here we go.

We all know that at some point we are bound to go, pass away, rest in peace. No matter how much you think you can prepare yourself for loss you just can’t. My uncle was a good man, a young man only 43 years old. This morning at around 9am I received a call from my cousin Jen and just when you think a everyday phone call will be just that, you find out someone you’ve cared about and known your entire life has just died in his sleep. 

My uncle Eddie was sick and we all knew he was dying, slowly. No matter how many times this moment was reenacted in our minds of just how it would happen, nothing really ever prepares you for the immense pain and heart ache that comes with losing family.

He called me SHELL BELL and sang the song…’Michelle my bell..’ everytime I walked into a room where he was. My uncle was suffering and the only way I am able to see past the devestation in all this is by telling myself that he is no longer in pain and he’s with GOD. Easier said than done, yes. All I can do is be there for my 5 cousins and auntie who lost the love of their lives. No one is ever ready to let go of a parent so I can only imagine the pain they are enduring tonight. Please keep my family in prayer as we can all have the strenght to say goodbye to a man we all cared for so dearly. 

It’s not always as easy as it seems to be independent and to have to do everything by yourself. Life is hard!! I don’t come from much and when I mean much I’m referring to money. My family is my backbone when mine seems to be giving out and they hold me together when times are trying, when life seems impossible and when my heart feels like it cant take anymore. But if there is one thing I learn with each test and trial is that just when I think life is too much and all seems to be failing, it has it’s funny ways of proving to you that it’s far from over. Yes, when one door closes another opens. Cliche yes, but true.

I live in Hollywood. I am a actress. I work hard, I’m very dedicated to my craft and everything I surround myself with is positive. My line of work is tough, not to say anyone elses isn’t. To each is own. But I can only speak from my P.O.V and when I say tough I really mean excruciating. To be told NO on a daily basis while going from one audition to the next can make any person insecure, or feeling like a failure. If there is one thing for sure is you need tough skin to survive in this town. You see, I plan to survive and I plan to write about my experiences. You will get to see inside my mind, feel my heart and know my pain. In all the process you’ll also get to see me succeed. I DO NOT give up and I DO NOT take no for an answer. I must fight against the odds because I know that I have enough heart and smarts to out smart to doubter. It’s easy to critisize but it’s hard to do Art.

All I know is that I am figuring it out on my own and what I plan to do has only just begun.

Michelle

Appreciate more and often. I just wanted to take the small amount of time and thank all of my friends and family for being so unbelievably supportive, giving and understanding. God knows I can be difficult or require special attention time to time and to know I have such amazing people in my corner rooting for me regardless of the circumstances is a true blessing from God. Finding loyal people in this town (Los Angeles) isn’t easy as I’m sure it is anywhere but to see what I’ve found is overwhelming. I can get pretty lonely sometimes and any time I have needed a shoulder to lean on I have had no problems reaching out and finding that person at arm’s reach.

So this blog is a special thank you to those individuals in my life and you know who you are!

Also a special thank you to my family is overdue. I love you guys so much that words will never be able to express accordingly. I have nothing without you. No matter what achievements I have succeeded in or aspire to have, it will never mean a thing if I don’t have you all there to share it with. I work hard with you all in mind. I may not be home as often but you are always in my thoughts. Thank you so, so, so much for your never ending support of encouragement and love. It is what gets me by day to day and inspires me to push even harder.

With all my love and gratitude,

Miesh

Lay with me in my bed,

Let me take the lead, baby, just rest your head.

I feel your skin, rub your chest and burrow into your arms,

I never second guess your loyalty,

You exude trust and I exude my love.

Together we lay in bed in complete lust.

I kiss your lips and you rub my hips,

We’re in sync with our body movements.

Passionate and intense,

It’s just what we both need,

It feels so right I can’t help but scream.

Fingers intertwine, panting heavily,

You are my weakness and I your poison,

To most we were living unhealthy and in sin.

My mind wanders into complete intoxication,

I find you unbelievably sexy,

I bet you knew this by my actions.

Love me, let me love you,

Together baby we know just what to do.

Sex or love making,

Regardless of what it’s called,

 I wouldn’t want this with nobody but you.

Michelle Joy Phelps

I know how it feels to live your life with a guard up. I’m learning that it doesn’t protect me from anything. Instead I’m realizing that it has prolonged my healing process. We’ve all been hurt, betrayed, harmed, whatever it may be but I can’t be the victim any longer. More importantly I don’t want to push out any good intentioned people because I’m too afraid to be hurt. Next time I fall I’m gonna let myself fall. I will then put my two hands on the ground in front of me and push myself back up, dust off my knees and get back up on my feet to risk falling again. Falling is an empowering thing, you know? Why so? Because you learn and there is no price on wisdom. I rather love and lost than to have never loved at all. Trust is rebuilding in my heart and I feel accomplished for this. The lord knows how difficult my struggle with men has been. I also know that not every man coming into my life has ill will and I promise to try my best to look at the positive than the potential negative.

I want to be a symbol of strength and the only way I can possess this is by taking risk and taking that leap of faith.

Trust comes in many different forms and I also believe that people should work hard for the trust of others. I know that I always prove myself to the people around me not just by what I say but what I do to back my word up. A person is only as good as their word so if you cannot do something as small as that then maybe you aren’t worth the chance. Regardless I want to exude love, loyalty and trust. Slowly but surely I’m learning wisdom from my experiences and the experiences of others in my life.

Michelle Joy Phelps

I enjoy this day, single or not, because it expresses love and anytime you can express love it’s a great day! However, I would also love it if V-Day was every day as opposed to once a year. Ideally any relationship would benefit from this and more couples would be less likely to fight. I mean how often do you hear your girl say, “I feel like you don’t care” or “we don’t spend enough time together?” Gets old right? Well do something about it and appreciate one another more and often.  All it takes is something simple like writing her a love note or leaving a single (could be picked not bought) flower for her. It’s always the thought that counts and not the amount spent. I find the home made gifts the most special and close to heart. It shows me how much thought and effort he spent trying to figure out what would make me smile.

I like to keep it right all year round because I would never want my man to think or feel otherwise so I keep a conscious attitude to keep things hot and alive. Making him happy makes me that much more happy. Expressing concern, attention, love and respect can and will keep your relationship on track and full of bliss.  Just my thought…

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!!

Michelle Joy Phelps

Real life day by day,

Each person is forced to find their way.

Alone in a world fighting for a chance,

Baby please come grab my hand.

Gone in the wind you flew away so quick,

My mind is trying to comprehend this shit.

You left without warning,

Your body here one minute but then gone in the morning.

My heart had so much left to say,

I guess this is my only way,

I pour my heart into this poem,

Hoping that it gets to you in your new home.

Heaven you rest,

Earth I stand to test,

My soul is doing its absolute best.

Alone in a room I cry aloud,

God why oh why I never got to get this off my chest.

A beauty you were,

Intimidating for sure!

Lips that felt oh so nice and right,

I couldn’t help it,

Baby you knew you were my knight.

But once again in typical fashion,

My excuses grew and I left with no answer.

Confused and upset, you had every right.

There was no validation for my behavior.

So tonight I sit alone and sad,

Knowing that we’ll never get that second chance.

All that is left is me and this poem,

And the passion I have that never had a chance to unfold.

Michelle Joy Phelps

There is nothing worse in life than knowing that you never had the chance to tie up loose ends. Making amends with people in your life is crucial because if for whatever reason a person should pass away you would never want to live with that feeling on your chest where you felt you didn’t say what needed to be said. It’s important to place pride aside and tell a person you love them and cherish them. Regardless of what has happened, being the bigger person will always make things feel better for you both, even inspiring other people to do the same in spite of how difficult it may be.  

Apologies aren’t only about admitting you were wrong and they were right. It’s about going half way and admitting there is nothing worth having that grudge over your relationship. Even if you should choose not to remain as close you at least made amends and God forbid anything should happen to either one of you, you at least had the a chance to forgive each other.

Be love, live love, express love, give love!

Much love,

Michelle Joy Phelps

Life is short and as often as we hear this and keep it in mind we never truly know the love we have for others until they’re gone. My friend Douglas Barcellos was found dead in Portugal on Dec 24^th where he was away filming a movie that was to potentially give him the big break he had always waited for. Kind hearted and soft spoken, Douglas was truly an amazing person inside and out. My only regret was not having had the chance to speak with him to tell him things from my heart that I withheld. Sadly I’ve come to realize that I emailed him just a few days after his death and never got that chance to say what I needed to say.

I would like to offer my condolences to his family and friends who had the blessing to know him. Today is a sad day and I’m at a complete loss of words. This is a tragedy.

I’ll miss you “Joseph” (inside joke)  J

Michelle Joy Phelps

Sometimes we need a little push to reconfirm our faith. Maybe you have lost faith in a person you love like a family member, lover, and friend or just in general with life. Without faith we have no hope and without hope you have nothing. If you can’t believe that things will get better than it never will. Having faith is more than just some sort of “religious” thing. It’s being positive through the negative. It’s telling you that you can do better and will do better. It’s not selling yourself short of what you know you rightfully deserve. Have faith that life can be prosperous and if you believe it to be only then it becomes a genuine feeling and you see the results of your positive mind… God doesn’t bless the greedy so do for others as you’d do for yourself. Like attracts like so bless others. Remember that giving is receiving inside out.

Let your mind express creativity and never be afraid to be different. Be you!

Just my thought,

Michelle Joy Phelps