MichelleJoyPhelps

The best words I heard today were ‘giving is receiving inside out.’ Wow. How true!! In order to receive we must give. And in order to give, we must receive. God never blesses the greedy. So just a word for thought, are you the giver or are you the greedy?

Much love,

Michelle Joy

What is a friend? Are you a friend? Are you a good friend, a bad friend, an only-when-I-need-something-friend? What makes you a friend? Is it your loyalty; your being there when a person needs a shoulder to cry on? Have you ever sat and asked yourself what kind of person am I to the people around me and what do I actually bring to the table? I think some people may be SHOCKED to learn how neglectful you may be or lack the ability to care for any other person’s day but your very own. You realize we need our friends to survive? It is why we were placed here in the first place. Do you ask others about his/or her day? Care to really listen to another person vent or even complain? (Yes! Good friends sit there and listen to people bitch every now and again.) If a person called you late at night in frustration and needed advice, would you pick up the phone or clear it? This is such a great thing to ask yourself because too often do we have individuals in our life that may have nothing more to offer than a physical body taking up space next to you. Some friend’s have bad energy that rubs off on you, only to have you asking yourself what the hell is wrong with me?!  The definition of friend is a person you know well and regard with affection and trust. Are you this person?? Be a good friend and see how quickly others in your life go out of their way for you. There needs to be give and take! This is how I view friendships: It’s like a marriage or relationship. If the right amount of proper time and love go into it, a healthy relationship forms. But if you stop going out of your way, stopped calling, stopped caring or didn’t spend enough time together than the relationship becomes fragile and falls apart. It’s the same scenario for friendships. If not enough effort is put into it, the friendship ends… Just a thought!

Being angry or prideful get’s you nowhere in life. Even the bible speaks of pride:

When pride comes, then comes dishonor, but with the humble is wisdom.- Proverbs 11:2

A man’s pride shall bring him low: but honor shall uphold the humble in spirit.-
Proverbs 29:23

In my personal experiences, holding any sort of resentment or anger toward any other person can only hold me back. This is why so often you may see people in your life that feel stuck and unable to progress. Holding resentment is another way of saying I’m NOT over it. Letting go is showing that you are. I know at times it feels so much easier to just be mad at someone. Maybe they let you down, broke your heart, backstabbed you, whatever. Generally, feeling angry feels like the easiest way out at the time but in the long run you end up hurting yourself more than just dealing with the cards you were dealt. And yes, allowing for the pain to settle.Pride also has a lot to do with anger. I am guilty of holding a bit too much pride myself and trust me, it got me nowhere. But once I realized that the only person hurting me was me, I had no choice but to simply let go!!!I was lying on my bed one night and said to myself, ‘Every day I go on resenting this person, I’ve let this person take a part of me again and again. Every day wasted is another day lost. I have to accept what has happened and learn to move on.’ And I have. And it feels great!I guess that is why some of my friends tell me that I have mastered the breakup scene and managed to remain friends or at least civilly acquainted with any man I’ve dated. I just came to terms with the fact that every morning I woke up angry only proved to me how much I still gave a shit that I was a victim and that wasn’t cool. My advice to those who are going thru the same: Don’t suppress the pain with your resentful mind. The sooner you with drawl the sooner you check out and move on! 

Much love,

Michelle Joy

He called. My heart stopped. I hadn’t heard his voice in so long. I wasn’t sure if I should feel happy or mad. This man used to be my best friend and it seems that when all hell broke loose, he just disappeared. Literally over night, he was gone without an explanation, without a care, and without me. After all this occurred, I literally fell off my rocker and went into hibernation. I was hurt, you know. After finding out the truth about his second life, I couldn’t help but play back seven years of memories in my head over and over and over and asking what was real and what wasn’t. Ugh, I was so confused at first. To make matters worse is he never even called to explain himself. Now this was a man I once called the love of my life and my best friend. I was asked time after time, ‘were there any signs??’ I answered honestly when replying with a ‘no. I was fooled completely.’

Anyways, I was on the other end of the line with him for the first time since finding out. I wanted to be the bigger person and just resolve the matter but inside I was screaming to be the bad guy since this person seemed to have no remorse for me and my feelings. But as always, I held my own and had that stiff upper lip. ‘Hello.’ I replied. I had no idea my life would be changed forever after this one call.

Yes, I did ask how he was. Despite all the chaos I still cared. I always cared. Even if his feelings weren’t genuine, mine were. I could not fake my love and my loyalty like he did. So as always, I was Michelle and not the bitter, scorned woman.

I went on to ask him to explain himself. Tell me how he could do what he did and not look back. It was then my world shook from beneath me and my breath was sucked out of me. He said ‘I don’t owe you an explanation. You don’t owe me one. That simple.’ Are you speechless to hear this because I was in a complete utter shock when I heard this come from the other end of my cell phone?

“Excuse me? You don’t owe me an explanation? The last 9 years of my life were a fraud and you mean to tell me you don’t owe me anything at all?!” Now I was getting mad. The nerve of this man blew my mind. And more than anything shocked the shit out of me because he never spoke to me with such disrespect. Here is a man who I had been with for 7 years; best friends for 9 that I just found out had a secret life and a new born child. Shattered cannot begin to describe my heart and more importantly, my trust.

“Michelle, look let’s face it. This whole closure deal isn’t necessary. If anything, we’d been done for a long time and I didn’t want to acknowledge it when it was staring me straight in the face. We haven’t been together for nearly two years! And you have been dating other men anyways. I just didn’t know how to let go of you and I was weak. But I’m not anymore. If I had been stronger, I would have left you alone a long time ago.”

WOW! WOW! WOW! Let me brief you on something. Yes, we had been split for nearly two years when I found out he had lived a double life. More like a triple life BUT I don’t have enough time to get into both. But even after splitting after 7 years of a relationship, we had been best friends and extremely close. We probably spoke 3 to 4 times a week, every week. We talked about so much, openly, or so I thought. I was always honest with him when telling him I had been dating other people. I knew it was hard on him but would rather be honest than hide it behind his back. Lying doesn’t come easy to me. I’m glad it is that way because I can’t build a life or let alone a relationship built on distrust and lies.

“How could you say that? We didn’t have to be in a relationship to have a relationship. When I found out what you had done, and disappeared, I felt like my best friend died and now I will never get to hear a goodbye. You have done so much to me in the course of this decade and some way or another; I had always managed to forgive you! So why couldn’t you just admit that you had cheated on me before I ended the relationship and came clean. This way we wouldn’t have had this mess. Now, any chance of reconciliation is demolished, forever. How dare of you say I am not deserving of an explanation. You never deserved me and my friendship!!”

I was clearly upset. I sat on the phone for nearly one hour as we went back and forth with our sides to what happened. His tone with me was harsh, cold and resentful. Kind of funny how he could hate me so much when he was the one who started this mess in the first place. He had a lot of nerve. But whether he admitted it or not it was oh-so-clear to me. He was hurting inside and tried to suppress it by blaming me for everything. I guess making himself believe I deserved all this made it easier for him to sleep at night.

I gathered myself over the phone, never once giving him the indication I was on the verge of crying. I left off with this:

“I’m sorry you feel the need to hurt me again and again. I have given you nothing but my best. I was always honest and sincere with you. Even when you knew you weren’t deserving of me. I guess I saw the best in you, even if you didn’t see it in yourself. Yes, we weren’t together so what has been done after our split in none of my concern as mine is not yours. But I was still honest with you because you were my friend. A more important title than a boyfriend. I guess we differ when it comes to that. I guess my only unanswered question is how you could tell me you loved me every time we spoke and remained so determined to win my love back, even going on to say if it took forever.  I would never wish any harm on you and only want the best in your life as well as your families. Your actions not only hurt me but hurt other people along the way that were duped like me. I pray for your heart and that you may reap what you sew, after all the bible does say you shall reap where you sew. I did really love you both as my past love and my best friend. But I honestly regret having had this conversation with you. Maybe it was easier when things were left unsaid. I feel like I am living in a nightmare.”

I hung up the phone, immediately walked to the restroom, removed my sunglasses I had on from being outside and realized that I had tears not falling out of my eyes, but shooting out of my eyes. I sat there for about 2 minutes as I watch my tears fall. I promised myself that this would be the last time I would ever cry over this man. Just then, I wiped my face, touched up my makeup and proceeded on with my day.

But that’s not the end of this chapter. Not yet, at least.

When I woke up that morning, I had no idea it would be one of those days! My car had broken down, my cell phone bill was on the verge of being late, a death occurred, two ex’s popped back into my life suddenly, and I had no groceries in my fridge. I actually had to stop and ask myself, ‘Oh god what do I do now?’ I couldn’t work or audition because of my car situation and I just finished  paying my rent, including addition bills such as my car payment, insurance, my storage to name a few. My wallet was tight and I’m not going to lie, I was scared. It takes a lot for me to get scared. I like to think I’m a optimistic person who likes to see my life as the glass is half full. But today… the tide was changing. I cried, yes I admit it. God know’s lately it takes A LOT out of me to shed a tear. I placed my already fragile knees to the ground and began yet another cry out loud prayer to GOD. By this point, I was SURE God had enough of my whining!! This town is tough you know. It almost feels like when it’s not one thing, it’s another. But I knew that these sort of struggles would occur when I left my safety net back home in Murrieta. I left a comfortable job, good pay, my own apartment and college education… it was nerve wrecking… but sure I’d be okay, eventually.

I was hungry. All the was left to eat was a Trader Joe’s box of tomato soup. Not my usual first choice but hey, it was something rather than nothing. I wanted to make the best of it… busted out a bottle of red wine, a candle and some music…. Sike! Just kidding. No but really, I had a slice of cheese left in my fridge so I threw that on top of my soup and there it was, yum, dinner was served. Lord knows times aren’t always so bad. And I also knew that GOD has always come thru for me. I’ve never gone one day of starving in my life. He’s always found a way. This is the way I look at it: What are my needs vs. my wants? Sure I’d want to have salmon and filet mignon every night but realistically I know that as long as I am putting food in my mouth I will be okay. My need was just for a bite to eat. Food is food and the best or not, it helps you survive.

So since I was stranded and broke (all my saved* money was on the mechanic!), I had to find use of my time. As weird as this sounds, it’s these  hard times where I hustle the most. It keeps me alive and focused… driven and aware… thankful and optimistic. I sat on my couch staring at a wall. At this point I didn’t even have a TV to watch. And lord knows I am so over myspace. So I sat and had a conversation with God. Just me and him, chillin and chattin. And here is just how it went down.

“Okay God. It’s just you and I again. Like old times, right? Look, I know it’s been weeks since I last went to Church and I promise it’s not intentional. For as much as you are here for me, I’ve been a pretty horrible friend to you. I know we should talk more, get more personal and I should ask you for advice rather than ask my girlfriends. I like to think that we were real tight at one point and I want to say how sorry I have been for not acknoweledging you more. Loyal friends rarely exist and here I have had you all along. Seriously, I’m sorry. I want to make it a point to have daily conversations with you. Okay? Can you forgive me for being so selfish and inconsiderate?”

Suddenly I felt emotional and wanted to cry. It was as if he placed his hand over my little heart and said, ‘of course.’ I felt good for the first time in days. I was battling falling into a depression again and some how that all seemed so distant to me.

“God, I hate to be the friend that only calls when she needs something. After all, you know how much I despise my friends who do that to me. But I want to tell you something. Not for me, but for someone else. I know a person who needs you the most right now. He just lost his momma; his angel and the most important woman in his life. I can’t relate to the pain he feels but I can only imagine. When you have a person’s best interest at heart, you don’t want to see them hurting because it causes me pain to see him like that. I ask that you place your hand over his heart too and if for just a few minutes, let him feel peace. Right now, you know I am hurting with stress from my situation but nothing seems even half as important as a prayer for him and his well being. He is amazing, kind hearted, genuine and loving… he deserves the world. Please take care of him since this is something I cant take care of. Thank you and we will talk again soon.”

That was my prayer, my talk with GOD. I had finished eating my oh-so scrumpteous dinner and decided to call it a night. I knew that tomorrow would be yet another fight for survival.

The next morning I got up late (the ONLY perk to my car breaking down is not having to go into work). I had to drag myself out of bed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. Yes, I was being lazy! I usually say my prayers in the bathroom because it gives me the chance to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I believe I can make another day. Call me corny but it works. I once again had a small chat with God and thanked him for my coming blessings. I knew there was no food for breakfast or lunch but reminded myself that GOD has never let me go hungry. So my thought was no different now.

The day was nice and warm; Beautiful out. I had no real reason to step outside but chose to do so just to feel the air on my skin and get myself out of the box I was in for the last few days. I’m generally a deep thinker so any alone time I have I am analyzing EVERYTHING! It’s not always the best thing to do but hell, I can’t help myself. I left my phone at home because I needed some time to myself to map out my next plan. I knew my car wouldn’t be fixed for at least another 4 or 5 days so I didn’t have too many options. As much as I hate to do this, I knew I had to call my parents for some help. I walked myself back up to my apartment and grabbed my phone. Just then I realized I had a missed call and had 1 new voicemail.

I pressed the voicemail button and held the phone up to my ear. I got goosebumps down my arms and up my neck. It seems as though all my prayers had been answered in one call. A person blessed me above and beyond my expectations. Let’s just say that by that same evening I had a frigerator full of groceries, all my bills and some had been paid and I was no longer stressed about my situation. It seems that when I prayed for my friend one night, another person was praying for me. How awesome is that?

I live in one of the hardest cities to survive in. A city that pushes your limit to a mere brinking point of exhaustion and torment. I’m not gonna lie, it’s very hard to be that girl trying to make all her dreams a reality. But I am certain of one thing. The city I call home will filter out the weak and only the strong will stand… I will not lose. 

With love,

Michelle

So often do men walk by the simplest of things that can regain the trust, appreciation and love from his woman.  I am here to explain to you just a few of the things that a man can do to get back in the good graces of her, if he is looking to. Or a few common not to do examples that can make her unhappy. 

1.)    1.) Appreciate her genuiness and femininity. So often do men yell, ‘Your too sensitive’ or ‘too needy’ or something along the lines of this. Let me explain to you just what this does. One day when you are looking for reassurance from her and the affection you’d grown so immune to, it will be gone. A woman has her limits just like any man. Once a line has been crossed, her patience, her sensitivity and her appreciation will be hardened and most likely be gone forever. Have the understanding that women are built differently. If we all just woke up one day and decided to take on the role of ‘the man’ we will no longer need you or value the things you may be doing. Allow me to use an example for the few male readers who probably have not caught on to what I am saying.

I have a friend who loves her husband so much. She goes on and on about how hands on he is and how much she loves that. She previously had an ex lover who complained that she never use to do anything on her own and relied on him for any and everything. She said that over the course of their 2 year relationship, she had grown cold and distant from him and never asked him to do anything for her anymore. Then one day he sat her down and told her how he felt she didn’t need him anymore and how he felt she left the relationship emotionally. Funny, right?  Anyways, she said that she was shocked as to how he could not see just how he brought this upon himself. She told him she felt like she was walking on egg shells in his presence and knew the only way to avoid a sarcastic remark from him or yet another  argument, she’d have to stop needing him for anything anymore. She explained that she got a back bone and forced herself to be solely independent just as he wanted her to be. She eventually left him because now instead of the arguments being about her neediness it was about her independence.

My point is just this: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR BOYS! Your lady very well could be this woman and just wake up one morning and say ‘I’ve had enough!’ and that will be that. Be emotionally supportive if she feels sensitive one day or is having a hard time with something. All we want is reassurance. Just like a father is with his daughter, be supportive and optimistic. She just wants you to be her hero and tell her that everything will be fine and that you are there to help.

2.)   2.) Be a man of your word! Oh lord this subject is oh-so-sensitive with me. If there is one way to get a woman to hate you or just lose respect for you, just tell her you’ll do something and not follow thru. I believe that ANY PERSON is only as good as his/or her word. No self respecting person is going to find you reliable or a good friend if you always say one thing but do another. And your reputation is everything. Do you want to be known as that guy? Men, look, follow thru with what you say. If that means you told her you are going to call her or take her out, DO IT! And if you can’t, acknowledge that you can’t so she doesn’t feel blown off or disrespected. I have found that men 18-34 years of age are more likely to come off as flakey as men who are above 34. Why this is, I don’t know. Maybe the older men learned their lesson in life with being that guy. All I know is this topic is brought up all the damn time by my girlfriends. Is it really so hard to pick up the phone and say that plans changed? Seriously? Just remember, if you are okay with having, I’m not reliable and can’t get it together stamped on your forehead, than that’s fine with me. Plus, odds are if you are the flakey, immature kid that doesn’t have the balls to say something; you probably will never have a successful relationship with a woman who has any respect for herself. Get it together! A Lady appreciates a man who follows thru. If anything, it’s the one thing that catches my attention. I used to have the attitude, ‘ah, if he calls he calls and if he doesn’t, no biggie.’ I was no naïve at one point. Ah, how times have changed! Now, I hold him to it and if he fails? That’s it! Simple as that really. Getting older I have learned a thing or two about dating and quite frankly I have learned that there are clear sacrifices and compromises I have to make in a relationship BUT a man who doesn’t follow thru with his word? Nope, not one I am willing to make. ESPECIALLY if he is doing it so early on in the dating process. Shit doesn’t get any better. I’ve learned that the hard way. Bottom line is, if a man really wants something, nothing will stop him from trying to get it. So if he isn’t even trying to gain your respect, forget him! Let another woman who holds no high regard for herself catch this catch! Ha.

3.)   3.) Notice the small things. She loves to hear how nice she looks, how wonderful her hair smells or by noticing her new shoes. Now, don’t do overkill but pay attention. Any lady loves a compliment. Now a compliment is NOT how sexy she looks or how amazing her a** looks in those jeans. Be respectful and polite. So many men lack this quality today that she will take notice of this almost immediately. I promise!!  No woman who spends a LONG time getting ready to try to impress YOU wants to feel like she didn’t impress you! Acknowledge her effort and see how quickly she is into you. And yes, even the tomboy’s like this.

4.)    4.)Be passionate. Exude passion. Anytime a person is in a long term relationship, it can be easy to get comfortable and fall into a routine. And by a routine, this can also be simple pecks on the lips instead of those hot and heavy make-out sessions you once had in the beginning. Passion can revive any collapsed relationship. Why this is? Because no one ever thinks to spice up the romance before throwing in the towel of effort. Passion can be a kiss, a touch, a comment or a gesture. Only YOU know her. So stop and ask yourself what your relationship is lacking. Is it sex? Is it romance? Is it that maybe her confidence level has dropped since packing on a few pounds and maybe she just wants you to lightly smack her ass and say, ‘baby, I’m so lucky. You’re so sexy mama.’ Yes any woman wants to hear that her man is still attracted to her. So sit and ponder for a bit and make the passion come alive.

5.)    5.)Be spontaneous in bed. Just like the topic before this one, women want to have a good sex life just like you do. So often do people go outside of their relationship’s to seek hot, new sex from a random partner. Generally this is because the sex has gotten to be so old that it doesn’t feel exciting anymore. And excitement is key to successful love making.  But there are a few things I’d like to discuss before you go ranting on and on about the she doesn’t want to have sex anymore spiel. Look, there are many reason’s women choose not to make love anymore. Maybe she just had a child and she feels extremely insecure with her body. Maybe because she’s gained weight, her breasts don’t look or feel the same, whatever. Try to find a way to boost her confidence so the sex seems much more appealing. And don’t fight her on the fact that maybe she doesn’t want the lights on or she doesn’t want to remove her top. Slowly rebuilt her trust and confidence. It takes time and if you love her, you’ll do just that. If you tell her how beautiful she is and maybe give her some good ol’ dirty talk action in bed, she may begin to feel differently about having more frequent sex. Other reasons women stop having sex is because you can be selfish bastards! Wam-bam thank you ma’am. Uh, can you blame us?  Being spontaneous is switching it up guys, trying new things and refraining from any sort of routine. If she pleases you, damn it please her. Sometimes pleasing her means spending more time kissing her, her neck, panting in her ear, dirty talk her for a minute or so before engaging in sex, being more flirty and playful… catch my drift? Try your best from making it the usual 3 to 5 minutes, YES, I said it! Three to five minutos! So sad. I mean, how effing embarrassing! Do you want to be known as the guy who can’t keep it up? After all, you would think you would be trying to live up to your self given ‘I’M THE MAN’ title. Make her happy. Remember, as any older man who’s been around the block and back or married successfully for years would say, “A happy wife makes a happy home!” It’s true. Either learn now or learn later, regardless the outcome is the same gentlemen.

6.)     6.)Buy her a nice gift every now and again. It doesn’t have to be Valentine’s Day or her birthday to buy her something sweet. The thought is what counts. My parents have been successfully married for 27 years and still act like teenagers in love. It’s sick at times because I see them fool around on the couch in the living room BUT bottom line is, they’re still in love after all the ups and downs, trials and tribulations! And why this is? My dad never goes one day without showing my mom how much he adores her. He either cooks for her, buys her favorite chocolates, play’s with her toes (don’t ask!), or leave’s her little love notes before he leaves the house. It is the thought that really matters. I don’t care what some people may say, it’s not the amount you spend dollar wise but the amount of the thought you put into your gift. She will love you so much for this! And once she feels loved, watch and see how much she goes out of her way for you. It’s a ripple effect. And yes guys, even if she has said she doesn’t care for flowers. It still means she’d like them every now and again. Ha. Don’t ask okay? I guess this is something you’ll never understand and we’ll never be able to explain.

7.)    7.)Be vocal about your feelings and thoughts. Honesty is everything and so is communication. The more talks between you two, the more intimacy is built. Love making isn’t always about the physical as is being in love. Communication and the closeness it brings have everything to do with your successful relationship or lack thereof. Many, many, many women complain that their partners NEVER ASK about their day or never sit and look into her eyes as she discusses something that is passionate to her. Open your heart to her and talk about something that excites you or even bothers you.  This open communication will make her feel involved in a part of your life she may not always get to see. Making her feel included will make her feel special and important. She will also respect you more and have a better understanding of your life and why you may not always be in the best mood or whatever it may be. COMMUNICATE!

So far we’ve discussed some KEY points of the to-do and not-to-do of making your woman happy. Yes there are many other topics we could discuss but for now, I think I have gotten my point across. I hope this helps somewhat. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask. This is what I do. 

 Much love, Michelle

Ask and you shall receive- John 16:24

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself what it is exactly you want? Not just thinking it in your head but by actually professing it? Whether or not you are a believer in GOD, it’s a proven fact that when you claim what it is you want in life it generally manifest’s. I guess the only challenge is, how much do you actually believe in yourself and do you have the patience to back it up? Hurdles are placed in our race to success not to hinder us from living better lives but more so to eliminate the weak from the strong. Let me give you an example: If you knew you had to jump off more than one bridge and swim far distances to get to your goal, would you do it? Sure many would say, ‘Hell yeah!’ but many others would say, “I don’t want it that bad!” catch my drift?

Our hurdles are nothing more than a test of faith and patience. If you believe enough and have enough faith in yourself, anything is possible!

There have been many times where I had to learn to be specific in what I am asking for. My mother always said to me, ‘Michelle, God knows what your heart desires but have you asked him to get it for you?’ I really had to think because I thought I was being specific in my prayers but when I really broke it down, I wasn’t. God knew I desired for a better life but I had never asked him specifically how he can help me get there. So as I did this next time around, I was very specific.

You see, I’m here in this small city, big dreams of a town called HOLLYWOOD. A few years back I made the conscious decision to leave behind my education in the medical field and pursue my lifelong dream of becoming an actress and writer. So on a whim, I did just that. Since being here, this town has tested my character and morals, as well as my true passion for what I am struggling for every single day. My once stable income was anything but that and I had to live in areas I normally would never have lived in before. So one day I was going into work (waitress!), I sat in my car and knew  I was exactly $200 short on my rent which was due the following day. As I sat there alone in a parking garage just off the Sunset strip I had said a small prayer. I asked GOD to help me make exactly $200 that night. Not over all but I meant after tip out to the bar and hostess. I knew that mid day shifts generally aren’t the best but had faith that anything was possible.

I was 5 hours into my 8 hour shift when I began to notice I had only accrued about a little over $100 and my mind began to tell me that making rent probably wasn’t going to happen. BUT my faith kept me going. I knew all it took was a few good tippers, not so much more tables. I said a prayer in my head again reminding GOD that I needed $200 for my rent and went on about my shift. About 1 hour before I was cut from my day shift, I was seated a table of 6, five men and one woman. I began by introducing myself and asking them if they’d want anything to drink. As a waitress, I had the ability to scan a table very quickly. My first impression was that they were real cool and looking to have more drinks than food and to me that was good because I knew generally the tab would be larger.

An hour passes and they were still drinking. I had about 5 other tables in between theirs and truthfully I stopped counting the amount of tips I was given. I didn’t want to stress out at work if I knew that I was still going to be short on my rent. As the table of 6 asked for their check, they were asking me questions like, ‘What do you do?’ ‘Are you an actress or student?’ They seemed very nice and interested in what I had to say. One guy even asked if he and his friends can take a picture with me in case one day I did become famous (sweet). He asked if we can take the picture just out in front of the restaurant (I won’t name the restaurant but it’s definitely a tourist-go-to- spot off the sunset strip) I agreed and followed the group out front. Turns out these men were a part of a Ferrari car club. As we finished taking the picture, they thanked me for the great service and slipped me a tip on top of the tip left at the table. But even after my tips, I was certain I was still short on my rent. Damn… and my shift is officially over.

I went up stairs to do my check out and had to sort out what was mine, what was the restaurant’s, the bar and the host’. As I did this I picked up what was left and divided my portion by percentage and thought in my head that the host deserved more because they had really helped me out by constantly making sure my section was full. After all that, I had walked out and back to my car. I was so relieved to be off that I didn’t even bother to think of counting my money. I got into my car and pulled out my cash and began to count the tons of ones I had. Just then I realized something. Something so powerful and moving that it gave me chills down my spine. I made exactly $200, even after I tipped extra to the host. GOD laid it in my heart to give more and he gave me just what I asked for. I always knew the power of prayer but I guess being in the bind I was in and seeing how he came thru for me made me so SURE he was listening to little ol’ me and that my tears and prayers did not go unnoticed!

Ask and you shall receive!!!!  

“So far you haven’t asked for anything in my name. Keep asking and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete.”- John 16:24“Yet you do not have because you do not ask.”- James 4:2 

With love,

Michelle

I was having this conversation the other day with my best friend and this question really stuck with me. I mean, is it really possible to be just friends with a person you had a sexual relationship with or had an emotional attachment to? Or better yet, if you manage to be able to can you refrain yourself from the constant reminder of failure and pain that you’d once endured? I mean, wouldn’t it hurt badly to see the one person you once loved or truly cared about with some one new? I think that is why we are generally suppose to cut off all ties. The healing process seems to be quicker that way to… “out of sight out of mind.”

You see I’d always managed to be the bigger person, per say. I like to walk out of my relationships with my head high, holding no grudge or unresolved matters. Closure is HUGE to me. It helps me pick up the pieces and move forward. Helping me to learn from my mistakes and try not to make them again the next time around. But despite the pain that may have been inflicted on me or vice versa, generally I have been able to maintain civil, low key friendships with all my ex’s (Not that there are many!). I do occasionally send hello messages via email or text and I like to reach out during birthdays or holidays. It feels nice to be able to say, “Look, what happened happened and it was nice but just not meant to be. Just because we have our differences doesn’t mean we should place all the time spent together in the dumps. Let’s be friends.” Sounds nice, right? I mean, it seems pretty damn fair to me.

But here is how this whole convo even began in the first place… ugh!

I began to notice that my so called friend(s) weren’t the greatest or most reliable friend(s), if you catch my drift. It seems to be so one sided sometimes. Maybe I am fooling myself into believing that it is actually humanly possible to be a loyal, good friend to a person that may have stomped all over my heart once, or in some cases more than once. Or maybe, just maybe I have too high of expectations from a person(s) that was never really my friend to begin with. After all, it was the chemistry and attraction that was pulling me in in the first place. So once that had been erased from the chalk board, is there really anything left?? I guess it was my assumption that had me thinking that we had friend capability in the first place. I’m soooo guilty for believing in the best in people. This is probably why I seem to get let down all too often. But am I wrong for this or is the person wrong for doing it? I’ve loved only 2 men in my time of dating and both left me heart broken. One was a cheater and the other was border line cheater… I don’t care to elaborate right now. I have grown significantly from both experiences and believe that I am stronger and a lot more wise today. I do take credit for my mistakes and know that I didn’t have to ‘ignore’ all the signs that were placed in front of me BUT I did and well it didn’t get me far. Now I have learned to run with all hell from these sort of signs and not care to ask myself twice. LESSON LEARNED, whew!…. Just friends….. hmmmm……. let me take a walk down memory lane here…. every time I have seen an ex he has always either 1.) flirted, 2.) placed his hand a little to far down my back, 3.) gave me the ‘I miss you spiel’, 4.) tried to kiss me, 5.) DID KISS ME!, 6.) reminded me of our past (never fun to remember if things didn’t work out.), 7.) flirted with other women in front of me (disrespectful, kid!), 8.) OMG…. Am I at number 8 right now? Geeeze, I think I answered my own question. All of these scenarios have ALWAYS occurred with any of my ex’s. Maybe we’ve accepted it wasn’t working romantically but physically the attraction made the flesh weak, leading to temptation or memories of the good ol’ times, <wink> <wink>. (sigh!) Yes, I am leaning with my hand on my chin right now with a not-so-enthused look on my face.

To solve all matters of hurt, I am learning that maybe it isn’t the best idea to be friends with an ex so soon after the breakup. I do firmly believe in being civil and holding no grudges but calling ourselves just friends may be a bit of a stretch. Especially when you know damn well that the sexual chemistry was a LARGE part of your relationship in the first place. I’m not so down with the friends with benefits thing and learned that the hard way! It’s never fun in the end.

So let me ask you something, what do you think? I know we can have so many different opinions, stand points and references and that’s what makes blogging so darn special. We all have our opinions… none right or wrong… just small talk.

Should I be able to remain friends with my ex(s) or just sever all ties and not look back?

With love,

Michelle