MichelleJoyPhelps

When I woke up that morning, I had no idea it would be one of those days! My car had broken down, my cell phone bill was on the verge of being late, a death occurred, two ex’s popped back into my life suddenly, and I had no groceries in my fridge. I actually had to stop and ask myself, ‘Oh god what do I do now?’ I couldn’t work or audition because of my car situation and I just finished  paying my rent, including addition bills such as my car payment, insurance, my storage to name a few. My wallet was tight and I’m not going to lie, I was scared. It takes a lot for me to get scared. I like to think I’m a optimistic person who likes to see my life as the glass is half full. But today… the tide was changing. I cried, yes I admit it. God know’s lately it takes A LOT out of me to shed a tear. I placed my already fragile knees to the ground and began yet another cry out loud prayer to GOD. By this point, I was SURE God had enough of my whining!! This town is tough you know. It almost feels like when it’s not one thing, it’s another. But I knew that these sort of struggles would occur when I left my safety net back home in Murrieta. I left a comfortable job, good pay, my own apartment and college education… it was nerve wrecking… but sure I’d be okay, eventually.

I was hungry. All the was left to eat was a Trader Joe’s box of tomato soup. Not my usual first choice but hey, it was something rather than nothing. I wanted to make the best of it… busted out a bottle of red wine, a candle and some music…. Sike! Just kidding. No but really, I had a slice of cheese left in my fridge so I threw that on top of my soup and there it was, yum, dinner was served. Lord knows times aren’t always so bad. And I also knew that GOD has always come thru for me. I’ve never gone one day of starving in my life. He’s always found a way. This is the way I look at it: What are my needs vs. my wants? Sure I’d want to have salmon and filet mignon every night but realistically I know that as long as I am putting food in my mouth I will be okay. My need was just for a bite to eat. Food is food and the best or not, it helps you survive.

So since I was stranded and broke (all my saved* money was on the mechanic!), I had to find use of my time. As weird as this sounds, it’s these  hard times where I hustle the most. It keeps me alive and focused… driven and aware… thankful and optimistic. I sat on my couch staring at a wall. At this point I didn’t even have a TV to watch. And lord knows I am so over myspace. So I sat and had a conversation with God. Just me and him, chillin and chattin. And here is just how it went down.

“Okay God. It’s just you and I again. Like old times, right? Look, I know it’s been weeks since I last went to Church and I promise it’s not intentional. For as much as you are here for me, I’ve been a pretty horrible friend to you. I know we should talk more, get more personal and I should ask you for advice rather than ask my girlfriends. I like to think that we were real tight at one point and I want to say how sorry I have been for not acknoweledging you more. Loyal friends rarely exist and here I have had you all along. Seriously, I’m sorry. I want to make it a point to have daily conversations with you. Okay? Can you forgive me for being so selfish and inconsiderate?”

Suddenly I felt emotional and wanted to cry. It was as if he placed his hand over my little heart and said, ‘of course.’ I felt good for the first time in days. I was battling falling into a depression again and some how that all seemed so distant to me.

“God, I hate to be the friend that only calls when she needs something. After all, you know how much I despise my friends who do that to me. But I want to tell you something. Not for me, but for someone else. I know a person who needs you the most right now. He just lost his momma; his angel and the most important woman in his life. I can’t relate to the pain he feels but I can only imagine. When you have a person’s best interest at heart, you don’t want to see them hurting because it causes me pain to see him like that. I ask that you place your hand over his heart too and if for just a few minutes, let him feel peace. Right now, you know I am hurting with stress from my situation but nothing seems even half as important as a prayer for him and his well being. He is amazing, kind hearted, genuine and loving… he deserves the world. Please take care of him since this is something I cant take care of. Thank you and we will talk again soon.”

That was my prayer, my talk with GOD. I had finished eating my oh-so scrumpteous dinner and decided to call it a night. I knew that tomorrow would be yet another fight for survival.

The next morning I got up late (the ONLY perk to my car breaking down is not having to go into work). I had to drag myself out of bed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. Yes, I was being lazy! I usually say my prayers in the bathroom because it gives me the chance to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I believe I can make another day. Call me corny but it works. I once again had a small chat with God and thanked him for my coming blessings. I knew there was no food for breakfast or lunch but reminded myself that GOD has never let me go hungry. So my thought was no different now.

The day was nice and warm; Beautiful out. I had no real reason to step outside but chose to do so just to feel the air on my skin and get myself out of the box I was in for the last few days. I’m generally a deep thinker so any alone time I have I am analyzing EVERYTHING! It’s not always the best thing to do but hell, I can’t help myself. I left my phone at home because I needed some time to myself to map out my next plan. I knew my car wouldn’t be fixed for at least another 4 or 5 days so I didn’t have too many options. As much as I hate to do this, I knew I had to call my parents for some help. I walked myself back up to my apartment and grabbed my phone. Just then I realized I had a missed call and had 1 new voicemail.

I pressed the voicemail button and held the phone up to my ear. I got goosebumps down my arms and up my neck. It seems as though all my prayers had been answered in one call. A person blessed me above and beyond my expectations. Let’s just say that by that same evening I had a frigerator full of groceries, all my bills and some had been paid and I was no longer stressed about my situation. It seems that when I prayed for my friend one night, another person was praying for me. How awesome is that?

I live in one of the hardest cities to survive in. A city that pushes your limit to a mere brinking point of exhaustion and torment. I’m not gonna lie, it’s very hard to be that girl trying to make all her dreams a reality. But I am certain of one thing. The city I call home will filter out the weak and only the strong will stand… I will not lose. 

With love,

Michelle

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