MichelleJoyPhelps

You may not think too deeply into why you meet certain people in your life but when you do, I think it becomes obvious. I believe that there is a purpose behind everything. We cross paths with individuals who are intended to teach us something or have us teach them something. I’ve had friends come into my life realizing that they needed a friend to be emotionally available to them and conveniently I was. We have all types of friends: Church friends, school friends, family friends, party friends, work friends, advice friends and so on. I am hands down the advice friend. I can’t manage to have a single conversation where I am not speaking from a higher power (GOD!) and inputting it into my friends. I am an old spirit at heart and see life from a deeper perspective than most people in my age range. Perhaps this is because of the experiences I’ve dealt with in life or the fact that I generally hang out with people older than me, or both.

My heart is somehow in tune with those around me who need spiritual uplift the most.  A person’s name can come to my mind and I will feel the urge to want to send them a HELLO message or call. Odds were they needed to talk to someone or found my message uplifting telling me, “I needed that. Thank you.”  God uses us all differently and that’s the beauty of having a variety of friends. The important thing to know is what type of friend you are and be the best one you can be.

My happiness comes from the happiness I can bring others, even if it’s something as simple as a positive text message or encouraging phone call. Sometimes it’s those smaller things we do for one another that make the most impact.

Much love,

Michelle Joy Phelps

If we changed just one thing from our past, it can completely shift our present and future. So after knowing that, would you change anything?

There have been moments I have sat at the end of my bed, in tears just distraught at the thought of what I was going thru. Whether it had been from losing a job or the end of a relationship with somebody I loved, I found myself asking GOD why? I’ve always had faith that despite what I could wrap my mind around I knew GOD had a bigger plan in store for me. I have yet to lose something and not gain even more in the end.

Examples:

“I lost a job that gave me stability. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. Especially since I knew I had a lot of bills and responsibilities I couldn’t abandon ship on. But in no time I was hired on at a much better company with better benefits and I actually enjoyed my position. That just goes to show that GOD had more in store for me and I had to trust that everything was going to be fine.”

Or

“I was in love with a man that I was sure I had a future with. After what seemed like constant signs that this relationship was all shades of wrong, it finally ended unwillingly. I was so torn. I even tried to remain friends with this person but ultimately it was unhealthy and very toxic for the both of us. I felt positive that this wasn’t supposed to end and actually had hopes of it working out one day. I moved on the best I could still attached emotionally until I met the most amazing person in my life. It was the night I met this man that the whole break up came full circle for me. If I was still with Mr. Wrong I would have never put myself out there to meet Mr. Right. Once again, I knew GOD had more in store for me. I have 100 percent faith that he allowed things to get so bad between me and the man I once loved so that one of us would have to push away permanently. This allowed him to end up with the woman he wanted and myself with the man of my dreams.”

Life works in mysterious ways, some things in which we will never figure out. But having a positive mind can help you to make the best out of what seems to be an unfortunate circumstance. Trust god. As I like to say “LET GO AND LET GOD.”

I’ve never been happier!

Michelle Joy Phelps

I don’t believe I‘ve mentioned this before but I am an online host for ASKTHEHOTCHICK.COM and it has officially launched a week ago. I am very excited to be a part of this web series. Though the advice is mainly directed toward a male audience, women can very well participate. I have responded to many emails from women asking for advice. Generally women like to ask about how to get more confidence or what she could do to keep the relationship with her partner more alive. This site has 16 different women with different appeals to choose from when it comes to your advice, including yours truly.

If you have questions about relationships, sex, infidelity, abuse, how to approach women or anything at all, I am the woman for you! I have over 15 featured videos for you to browse with various topics as well as a direct email you can write me privately. There are no fees for advice right now so this is the time to take advantage! I am more than happy to help you out if there is anything I can do.

Look forward to hearing from you!

ASKTHEHOTCHICK.COM

God bless,

Michelle Joy Phelps

Why does racism still exist? The biggest puzzle is how the top two discriminated races are against one another instead of united.  For Latino and African Americans to both know how it feels to be judged by society you’d assume we would have each other’s backs. But instead we show that we are the very reason racism still exists. I scratch my head at the irony of it all. Black and brown have similar walks of life. Majority of us grew up struggling trying to keep out of trouble, financially unstable, doing our best NOT to become another statistic, looked down upon by society, assumed to be Americas next criminal. But yet we are the first to walk on one another, turn your back and harm each other. If we were a united front we would have less chaos and less death and crime rates. Is it because we are stubborn? We refuse to give into change? What is it?

Here we stand in the ”United” States of America fighting for equal rights and change but we are the first to admit we won’t change! How can racism end if we are racist against one another? It won’t as long as we continue to be hard headed and stubborn. Between the two races, we can make such a dramatic difference amongst our peers if we turned the tables. For people experiencing the same types of hardships, you’d think we would stand by one another rather than against each other.

Just a thought…

Michelle Joy Phelps*

I’ve been reading a book ‘his needs, her needs: How to build an affair proof marriage’ - (Willard F. Harley, Jr) and I have to admit, I have learned so much about where we may be going wrong in relationships.

The book states that the 5 basics needs for men are:

Sexual Fulfillment

Recreational companionship

An Attractive spouse

Domestic support

Admiration

And the five basic needs for women are:

Affection

conversation

Honesty and openness

Financial support

Family commitment

After completing this book, I sat back analyzing my past and present and realized how wrong I may have been in certain areas but also learning how dead on I was about many things. I recommend reading this book if you are in a serious relationship, married or JUST newly married. Many of the featured topics are about sex and why men need this more than women realize. One thing I’ve learned and loved about the book is when the discussion of sexual incompatibility came up. It say’s when you aren’t sexually aware of your own needs and your own body, it can lead to majot problems in a relationship. This book teaches couples how to learn with one another how to be compatibly fit. Another important message mentioned was the different arousals between man and woman. Some men have yet to realize how we differ in getting aroused. The book breaks down this topic and gives you a different insight on how to make love to your partner versus just having sex.

A strong chapter is the need men have for an attractive wife/ partner. Generally, when getting involved with your husband, what he sees is what he should get. Understandably, after child birth the equation changes a bit, yes. But that is NO EXCUSE to let go of who you are and what your marriage needs. A man is visual! Therefore, he visually sees what he likes and dislikes. Once getting married, your body no longer belongs to just you but is also your husbands. In the marriage vows it specifically indicates the two of you becoming ONE. When marrying your spouse, you promise to be all he needs sexually, emotionally, and so on. If you husband married you being a size 6 and now you are a size 18, clearly there is going to be an issue of attraction. BOTTOM LINE! Yes, he should love you for you. Yes, he should appreciate you for your heart and mind. But regardless of what you tell yourself, if he isn’t attracted to you than odds are he isn’t happy. If he isn’t happy I guarantee you aren’t happy. With zero happiness comes no sex drive, therefore leaving your husband to want and need for sex elsewhere!

In the book, the author discusses the importance of communication from man to woman. He needs to be attentive, affectionate, hold conversation, the importance of family commitment and financial stability in the household.

Look, women are pushed into affairs for many different reasons too. Some reasons maybe not seem as shallow as men’s but realistically what has happened was driven from the lack there of a basic need in a person’s life. Women are lead into having affairs when her husband doesn’t seem pay attention to her basic needs. What’s the old saying? Oh yes, One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. A woman KNOWS that where he lacks she can have elsewhere, vice versa. Emotionally there always seems to be another person waiting at arm’s reach to swoop in and show you the attention just where you were lacking. This is why the common area of affairs begins at work or common recreational areas you like to go and escape.  

The reason behind this book is to get the naïve way of thinking out and allowing you to become more aware of the possibilities that your marriage can hold.  Good and bad. Being that I am of Christian faith, the author himself is a Christian and gives many great reasons behind his theories. This book is not intended to offend anyone or make you feel insecure about your relationship. It’s a rude awakening I believe any couple should be alert of. Affairs are never good and regardless should never be okay to have. At the same time, I have seen lazy, jerk minded, selfish individuals and at times I can see how a person can be mislead or vulnerable enough into accidently falling off the wagon. So really, who’s to blame?

Read the book and tell me for yourself. I was awakened by the truths behind our 5 basic needs and if we lack even just one of those needs, we are potentionally pushing our partners into an affair or having them leave all together.

READ! READ! READ!

Michelle Joy Phelps

 Here is a quote I came up with one night after a long prayer and I now live my life by:

“Dreams are fulfilled to those who remain loyal to their craft and is disloyal to those who fall short of the determination.”

In order to achieve success we must be willing to put our elbows in grease and get a little dirty. I have never seen a so called ‘overnight success’ be an actual overnight success. Did you know that in the entertainment industry, 10 years under your belt is a common overnight success story? These people have been doing it since they were kids or years and years as adults before they had any sort of major impact.

My close friend is an Emmy Award winning actor who finds himself second guessing his career. To be honest with you, I was a bit shocked. I thought to myself, ‘If he feels unsure of his future, what about the rest of us who haven’t even achieved nearly as much as he has!’ I sat there, across from him on the living room floor and listened to him as he told me that due to the economy and strikes, it has even him worried about his future in this industry. Noted, yes just about everyone is feeling the effect of this economy but I sat there explaining to him how blessed he is. So many of us would die to be in his position and would feel beyond blessed to stand in his shoes. He has worked so hard since a child to be able to call himself an award winner, so how could he doubt himself now?

I know times get hard. We ALL KNOW!! But at the end of the day, whether you work for some hotel, gas station, nurse or actor, our struggles will be the same. Financially we will hurt until we learn to advance ourselves. No job, no career, no choice is easy. So you have to know what makes you happiest. I know that since leaving the medical field to pursue my dreams, I have never been happier. Even though to pay isn’t nearly as consistent, I couldn’t imagine me living my life never knowing what life would be like if I never tried and put myself out there!

Be your biggest fan and work hard for what you want! NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Much love,

Michelle Joy Phelps

Every morning we wake up there are hundreds if not thousands around us that will not be. Whether it is from an illness, old age, accident, murder or suicide, we are the few selected to be here on this earth for a GOD given reason. One thing I am learning to do productively each day is inspire others to take advantage of their time here and spread the word of GOD thru message, scripture, fellow ship or simply just by living your walk of life being the best example possible. Now, some may say I am religious but I like to think of myself as spiritually aware. I enjoy my life. The life I in which I had been given to live for a reason and behind every reason is a purpose. Since birth, I was not supposed to be alive. I had been born very premature, only weighing 4 lbs. Throughout my first years of life I was in and out of hospitals from chronic asthma bronchitis and suffered from a very weak immune system. My uncle Albert, who is a minister of over 20 years, told me that I was the reason he and many others learned to pray. Watching me suffer as a child only brought out the faith in everyone in my life as they watched a miracle happen before their eyes. I recall many memories in which I had completely stopped breathing. I watched everyone around me frantic that I would die but I was given a peace and had no struggle for air, ever. God had protected me from dying because he knew ONE DAY I would use my purpose given gift to do well for others and myself. For as long as I can remember, I had been attacked left and right from my spirituality to life and with love. But one thing I had never lost sight of was my faith and belief that everything will be okay.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what your purpose given gift is? Ever thought about how lucky you are to just wake another day or maybe how lucky you are to have your family around for just one more day? When you think of life this way, makes you feel pretty darn lucky, right? 

Much love,

Michelle Joy Phelps

Call it fear, call it insecure, call it what you want. It’s been a journey of 9 months to get me emotionally to this point. Vulnerability used to be nothing more than a past feeling that has gone unmissed. I’m great at hiding my feelings from myself and the rest of the world. I always have a smile to pass on, advice to give, and remorse for others who’ve brought me harm. But being completely honest with myself has never come easy, until now. I realize now more than ever that you cannot control love. We will love who we are meant to love. Whether the feeling lasts forever or just temporarily, it is out of our control and not intended for man to hold in grasp. I am learning how out of control I really am with it all. I have managed to remain silent and even reserved about my situation for longer than the norm but none the less, I have fallen in love. I sit here, today, on my bed as I look out my window to the most amazing view of the city of Hollywood and feel the ups and downs of love. One minute I am on cloud nine, the next minute I feel out of this world. Love has been absent in my heart for so long that I had completely forgotten how to handle these emotions. It was just now, the moment of emotion that I realized just how much I love him. I hadn’t felt this way in a very, very long time and to know how I feel and he does not makes me that much more nervous. I’ve become almost pro at being the casual dating girlfriend. No major emotions, no drama, great passionate sex… that was me. Now the tide is changing and I am not sure how to stop it or even relay the message to him. Just when I thought falling in love was the hardest part, I now see it was just the opposite. Now I must tell him…

Michelle Joy Phelps

Sorry but I’ve been filming the last few days so things have been crazy! Bare with me as I get my new blogs posted! Thanks everyone!!!

XOXO

Michelle Joy Phelps

In my assumption, sex is the best way for a person to ‘escape’ or ‘avoid’ reality. Much like a vicodin dependency or anything related to that.

I believe this is why sex is so loosely used. Now we can argue this topic again and again so please don’t give me angry messages fighting me on my words. This is simply my opionion. Sex is an escape for those who have underlined issues or insecurity issues that have never been dealt with.

It’s like that high you get from taking a few vicodin’s… a numbing, tingling feeling that over comes your body, making everything seem to dissapear. You just lie there, relaxed, good and out of this world. Just like sex.

When people break up, left feeling hurt, angry or dissapointed they have one night stands, friends with benefits sex or whatever you want to call it. Either way, they both leave you feeling exactly the same! In the end, you felt unproductive, sad, maybe dissapointed and regretful. Or maybe your after affect is just the opposite. Maybe this is why vicodin and Sex are so addicting. It leaves a person feeling in the moment and out of their world. A world they may not want to be in, if even for just a few hours.

I think every person has had vengeful sex or had sex not to think of something or someone. Right? Why? Because it makes everything okay even if for a little while. Sex is a drug; A intoxication of the body and mind. A fulfillment of the moment and ecstasy that makes your body feel nothing but pleasure and erotica. Yes, an escape.

But like any drug comes a withdrawl. The feeling that leaves you feeling lost, alone and craving more of what is not good for you. Maybe afterwards you feel dirty, cheap, used and angry. Because ultimatly that moment was just a moment, nothing more nothing less. It is what it is. The ecstasy wore off and now you ask yourself what’s next?

Throwing sex around so easily is disease of the body. In the bible it talks about how a person carries a piece of each partner with them till death. Thus leading to confusion and depression. Imagine a person who has slept with more than 30 people… which is an average today. That mean’s this person has a piece of their 30 partners living within them. I’ve seen women and men lead lives in which they can’t seem to get it together so they loosely use sex as an escape to feel validated and wanted, even if for a few minutes. Problem is they dont realize that their promblem only intensifies.

So I believe sex is like vicodin. It gives you a temporary fix but never gives the healing that is much needed.

Yes, it can be hard to say no when you know that it’s so easily there. But try not to use sex as a way out… find love and find security within yourself. Don’t abuse sex. Don’t abuse drugs. Don’t abuse yourself.

Michelle Joy Phelps