Oct 13 2008
I’m in love with a man who has no clue
Call it fear, call it insecure, call it what you want. It’s been a journey of 9 months to get me emotionally to this point. Vulnerability used to be nothing more than a past feeling that has gone unmissed. I’m great at hiding my feelings from myself and the rest of the world. I always have a smile to pass on, advice to give, and remorse for others who’ve brought me harm. But being completely honest with myself has never come easy, until now. I realize now more than ever that you cannot control love. We will love who we are meant to love. Whether the feeling lasts forever or just temporarily, it is out of our control and not intended for man to hold in grasp. I am learning how out of control I really am with it all. I have managed to remain silent and even reserved about my situation for longer than the norm but none the less, I have fallen in love. I sit here, today, on my bed as I look out my window to the most amazing view of the city of Hollywood and feel the ups and downs of love. One minute I am on cloud nine, the next minute I feel out of this world. Love has been absent in my heart for so long that I had completely forgotten how to handle these emotions. It was just now, the moment of emotion that I realized just how much I love him. I hadn’t felt this way in a very, very long time and to know how I feel and he does not makes me that much more nervous. I’ve become almost pro at being the casual dating girlfriend. No major emotions, no drama, great passionate sex… that was me. Now the tide is changing and I am not sure how to stop it or even relay the message to him. Just when I thought falling in love was the hardest part, I now see it was just the opposite. Now I must tell him…
Michelle Joy Phelps
