MichelleJoyPhelps

Okay, I am taking my blogging site to another level. Since I give advice on askthehotchick.com to men about dating, I was told that I needed to give my advice on a deeper level and write about it. So what better way to utilize this than my blogging page? I’m not going to lie, I find myself on the opposite end of the phone at least an hour everyday with a friend giving prep talks, love advice or simply encouraging a friend to keep pushing forward with whatever may be bothering them. So here goes…  

Question #1 Miesh, I can’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I first meet these guys who are REALLY into me and once things begin to develop I find that they aren’t so interested anymore. What’s the deal? I mean, I’m not unattractive. Frankly I get approached all the time. Can you help me break this down? Thanks love.

— Girl I can’t stress this more… NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU! No person is ever wrong with going into a vulnerable situation with their hearts. It can just come down to the both of you wanting two different things. MAYBE he was into your spontaneous personality and firecracker attitude and when he saw you becoming less sassy and more sensitive, he realized that he wasn’t looking for more and decides to leave to spare your heart. No fault to anyone, just a change of heart. I always appreciated an honest man even when the truth hurt because at the end of the day no one wants their time wasted. But never beat on yourself. OR since I know you well enough to say this, perhaps men bail because of your constant need of reassurance. I love you girl, you know I do but let’s be real here. We both know that if he doesn’t call you on time or at all, you freak out. Doing this too soon into a courtship can freak any man out, even a good guy who was actually looking for a commitment. TRUST ME, I’ve been guilty of this in the past BUT the important thing is we take note of our mistakes and not make it a repetitive issue. At some point we will have to be the Guiney pig. We will look like an ass for a hot minute but come out of a situation a lot wiser. At this point in my dating life I would rather make these sort of errors in my early twenties than to enter into my thirties completely unaware.  Evaluate yourself and ask yourself if you have made repetitive bad judgments. Not saying you are wrong.  I just think that this can help you to overcome a hurdle you have not seen standing in your way. Love you. Xoxo*

Question #2

I’m seriously involved with a man I love with all my heart but find myself still torn with my past. When I say past I mean my ex boyfriend. I don’t want to still think of my ex but find that I always do. I know you’ve dealt with some difficult situations before also so thought maybe you can help me in this department.

—Yeah this one is tricky. There is no good way to let go of a person you deeply loved at one point in your life. I also know it’s the hardest when you actually saw a future with him. My best advice that worked for me was to let go of all contact or material that reminds you of your past. With life in general, looking back never gets a person too far. I found that getting rid of all memorabilia such as clothing, pictures, music, gifts exchanged and even being MySpace buddies can be dangerous. I also urge you to erase his number from your phone because all it takes is scrolling through your phone to pass his name up on your list to get you thinking of him again. Literally seize all contact. At some point in the future you two may be able to say, “Hey. It didn’t work, we moved on, no more weird emotions, maybe we can be friends.” MAYBE, cause sometimes it takes you being friends again for you to start feeling funny again. Like I said, maybe, only you will know how over it you really are. All in all missy is only time can heal those wounds. There is no magic trick or serum you can drink to make it all go away. That’s the crappy part of falling in love and losing it. Your intentions are good to your new man. I know your loyalty lies there so your uncontrolled thoughts don’t make you a cheater. It’s natural and will eventually go away. I promise. *

Question #3

I’m stuck in a relationship with a person I love but not IN LOVE with. I tried to convince myself that I am happy but in the end, I’m not. I respect him so much because we share a lot of history but he doesn’t do anything for me emotionally, physically or mentally. I know the right thing to do is let him go but it’s so hard. What should I do?

— Let me ask you what’s a harder sentence, letting him down because you realized you weren’t meant to work out or forcing yourself to love a man you no longer desire, therefore find yourself faking a life that isn’t real. Seems pretty obvious to me, does it to you? I’ve found a great deal of respect in my relationship because of the brutal honesty that is involved. Own up to it and let go. Bottom line is we all get the chance to play the victim and heartbreaker at one point in time in our lives. Honey, it will hurt like all hell letting him go at first but in the end you will find yourself happier and freed of a burden you had been carrying. Also, don’t confuse loneliness with love. Many people break up and keep going back to the same person again and again because of comfort and this only doubles the injury. You won’t find yourself missing “him” but missing the comfort you were adjusted to having. I believe every person needs to thoroughly think through a breakup before actually doing it. If you feel you have legit reason to be unhappy or out of love than remember why you chose to end things. Don’t go back after a few months of being single forgetting the sole reason for the split. Because I can promise you that once you reconcile, the same issue will be the reason for the second and final split. Usually going back to an ex after infidelity, abuse, disagreements on your future together, having children and career conflictions will generally fall apart again for the same exact reason. That states the obvious. At the end of the day, we all want to be loved. But I can tell you one thing. I would never want a person who didn’t love me to be with me because he felt bad. That’s probably the worst thing a person can do. Go with your heart and you will never lose. Love you chick!*

More to come… with love always,

Michelle Joy Phelps

Dear past lover,

I went back and forth with the idea of sending you such a public message but came to the decision that it can’t hurt since we don’t speak anymore.

I guess I wanted to know if you were okay. Our communication seized almost overnight and I guess we are both to blame for that. I don’t point the finger anymore and I want you to know that. I take responsibility for my actions and each passing day I learn more and more. Most importantly, when everything fell through with us I tried to act like I could handle the pressure and maintain your friendship. I think we both see that it wasn’t possible. I guess I never dealt with the pain that had been inflicted on me so slowly but surely it crept up on not just you but me. Those days were very dark but I am happy to report that it’s no longer a familiar feeling.

I hope you don’t misinterpret what I’m about to say but I miss you. I miss being a part of your life, embarking on new journeys together and sharing in both of our joys. Your friendship has always meant more to me than any title that can be given. Ultimately at the end of the day I did not just LOVE you, I respected you and took pride in our bond. But I’ve learned that our distance is what’s healthiest for you and me.

At the time I couldn’t understand why you would hurt me but my questions have settled and given enough soul searching I’ve come to see the bigger picture. Emotions can make and break a person if given the opportunity. I had to learn the hard way. But like any storm, it passes. And in spite of all the drama, pain and anger you start to see just what was supposed to be.

I would like to thank you, for what you ask? Honestly, for breaking my heart. Had you not, I would not be where I am. You taught me so much about myself. More than I could have learned having everything in my favor. The pain brought me to a place I have never been before, forcing me to deal with emotions I never knew existed. My growth is significant and I’m unbelievably proud of the person I’ve become, partially thanks to you. Had you never let what happened happen I would have never had the chance to meet so many wonderful people, one in particular. And because of this my heart is experiencing a joy I only read about in fairy tell books.

Aside from my gain, I am happy for you and the life you embarked on. The way things ended could have been handled differently but regardless it was the right direction. The choices then seemed hard to comprehend but GOD had a bigger plan for you and I; a blessing in disguise.

There aren’t a few days that pass that you don’t cross my mind. I am okay with admitting that because I know that you and I have moved on to good places in our lives. No more running emotions, just peace and admiration. The past is just that and maybe one day we will be able to call one another friends again. Until then, I pray for you and wish you nothing but the best. I hope you are experiencing the type of love that my heart is filled with today…

Miesh*

There is something so special and sacred about young love. Unlike adult love, young love allows us to think solely with our hearts. Remember the first time you fell in love? That first person to make you feel that feeling you’ve never had before and you were never sure how to describe it? Naïve love is what I like to call it. We jump right into this feeling completely unaware of the outcome. I believe now as adults we begin to develop love differently or at least we try to. I know that love is the one emotion we cannot control. But when we compare young love to adult love it’s so unbelievably different and just point blank not the same.

Yes, love is love and to be able to go back and experience that feeling the first time around again would be the most amazing thing. You have no fears, no negatives (Yet!), just feelings that flow naturally, which is why our first loves never work out. When you’re not experienced enough in one area, that new emotion can over run you instead of fill you. Those new thoughts, concerns and insecurities are too much to handle at times so you find yourself screwing it all up because you had no idea how to approach it all. Young love is so precious and untainted. It’s the one thing no person can ever take away from you. It’s the mere image of perfection in its own way, simply the one raw emotion that will change a person FOREVER. Young love challeneges a person to fight for their heart. These are the type of experiences that lead to screen plays and books written all around the world. (Romeo and Juliet to name just one famous example!) Some say when a boy hits puberty or a girl begins her first menstral cycle is when they grow up. I say it’s when we learn of love for the first time a young girl and young boy grow into young women and men. Because whether they know it or not, their lives have transitioned forever.  

But when young love is not enough to make it through the transitions of life, you find that the one person you loved the most is going to be the one person you’ll never have and is why divorce is so common with young adults. We jump into the thought that it will last forever and no one understands what you feel and never will. You almost become clouded with the idea that every person is against you when they try to explain love to you and what it takes to make it work. But when the years pass and the honeymoon phase is over, you learn you were not wrong for loving a person with all your might, you just realized that maybe, just maybe you didn’t know it all after all. I hope I am not losing anyone here. My thoughts can kind of run wild in my mind but not translate correctly into word format.

As we age and realize it takes much more than love to make a relationship last, we begin to pay attention to the basic fundamentals the next time around,  such as compatibility, family values, in many cases religion, financial security, common interests and many other things. So as adults I can say at least on my part that although I have experienced three amazing loves in my life nothing will ever be as precious as my first, I also believe nothing will be as special when I marry my soulmate. Today I look for the traits of my lifetime partner, now knowing that love is not the only thing that can or will bind me with someone forever I take what I can of myself and hope to find the same in a man.

There is nothing like young love. Too bad it doesn’t always last forever like we once believed…

Much love,

Michelle joy Phelps

With any election all you can do is be true to yourself, your beliefs and remain loyal to those who you feel could represent what you represent. Mr. Obama won this presidential race fairly and I would like to congratulate him and everyone who supported him. History was in fact made and I am sure that today is not only an emotional moment for the USA but with the African American community who felt that they’d never see such a day. Indeed, this moment is historic and to have any one of us alive to experience this is moving and a blessing.

Though Mr. Obama was NOT my presidential choice, I am happy that I remained firm on my beliefs and my choices. There are no wrong or right choices, only differences in opinions. To be able to live in a country that allows us the ability to vocally support one candidate or the other is a privilege that many in the world will never know. This is why VOTING is so important. To vote means that your voice matters, unlike many other countries where the civilians have to deal with the cards that they are dealt and in many cases killed for trying to voice any opinion other than the one they are told they have to have. Let’s take this opportunity to take in just how blessed we truly are.

With all that is happening today, November 5^th, 2008 it just goes to show that no matter what your odds are ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

Never forget GOD, your creator of life.

Michelle Joy Phelps

I’ve had time to review enough material when it comes to this years election. I’ve never felt so passionate about speaking what my heart feels and talking to others about the importance of November 4th. When the election race began, I weighed out both sides, democratic and republican. Normally I vote Democatic but this year found it important for me to know just what was going on and have real, legit reasons for casting my vote to one or the other. As I began to do my homework, I started to see that maybe I wasn’t democratic afterall. Although I see what others see in Obama; charisma, peoples person, a voice for change. That wasn’t enough for me to say, “this is it!”

For many their moral convictions don’t mean much anymore. Call me old fashioned but in many ways I am very conservative. As I began to read about the pros and cons of the war, abortion rights, healthcare, tax’s, homosexual marriage and all, I had to be fair to myself and what I felt was right. Though many would disagree, I think we can all agree that we can agree to disagree and still hold fairness to this election.

I myself, like others felt it would be nice to have the first African-American president. That would mean a great deal to so many of us who are minority. I believe that day will be amazing, whether it be now or another election term. But one thing I can say is that this political race for the next comander in chief has lost sight of the real reasons behind this election. Sadly it has come down to RACE and not who can be a better fit to run the country. Whether someone is Black or white is not what is going to steer me in one direction more than the other. This year, being that we are in the begining of a recession, I needed to feel as though I was looking at the right person who could lead us out of this trouble and into a better start for America.

With all this said, my VOTE proudly goes to Senator John McCain and Sarah Palin. After much back and forth arguements and discussions, I know that in my heart and gut I feel as though this team would run the country into a direction that I felt would be a better fit. Just because my VOTE is NOT going to Obama does not mean I do not see where he is coming from. It simply means that we are two different people with two different opinions in the direction he is wanting to take this. Now! Now! Some would argue that this mean’t I too don’t want “change.” Of course I do, but Change can be brought with either candidate. What bothers me is how many can say he is just like Bush. What president Bush has done no candidate can take back. This mess will either have to be cleaned up by Obama or McCain. When it comes to knoweledge of war and military I felt McCain would be the better man with more experience. Plus, after doing my research I wasn’t to pleased with Obama’s tax plan or eagerness to bankrupt the coal industry which means higher electricity for us! Can you say SCARY! Being that we are in a recession I just don’t see how his plan fit’s into helping us in any way. AGAIN, we can agree to disagree. That’s the beauty of the United States of America.

I have decided to post a letter David Letterman wrote and share it will anyone who hasn’t had the opportunity to come across it yet. Democaratic or Republican, Letterman says. It’s a MUST READ!!!! What he say’s will change your outlook forever.

Letterman writes:

“ ‘As most of you know I am not a President Bush fan, nor have I ever been, but this is not about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it seems to hit the mark.  ’The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some Poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be
true given the source, right? The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President.
 In essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain’t happy and want a change. Sobeing the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ‘What are we so unhappy about?”
 A.. Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?
B.. Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
C.. Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
 D.. Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the
 last year?
 E.. Maybe it is the ability to drive our cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?
 F.. Or possibly 20the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?
 G.. I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough either.
 H. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a
 helicopter to take you to the hospital.
 I.. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home.
 J.. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus saving you, your family, and your belongings.
 K.. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.
 L.. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
 M.. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?  Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks unhappy. Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S.,
 yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people (by God) in the world who do nothing but complain
 about what we don’t have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here. I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn’t take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad? Think about it……are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the ‘Media’ told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day. Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn’t have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ”general” discharge, an ‘other than honorable” discharge or, worst case scenario, a ”dishonorable’ ‘discharge after a few days in the brig. So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If
it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend
 their actions by ‘justifying’ them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how
 he didn’t kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way……Insane! Turn off the TV, burn = 20 Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.’ ‘With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of
bird flu and terrorist attacks, ‘Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?’
 David Letterman JUST A THOUGHT AMERICA,MICHELLE JOY PHELPS