Nov 13 2008
Dear Past lover
Dear past lover,
I went back and forth with the idea of sending you such a public message but came to the decision that it can’t hurt since we don’t speak anymore.
I guess I wanted to know if you were okay. Our communication seized almost overnight and I guess we are both to blame for that. I don’t point the finger anymore and I want you to know that. I take responsibility for my actions and each passing day I learn more and more. Most importantly, when everything fell through with us I tried to act like I could handle the pressure and maintain your friendship. I think we both see that it wasn’t possible. I guess I never dealt with the pain that had been inflicted on me so slowly but surely it crept up on not just you but me. Those days were very dark but I am happy to report that it’s no longer a familiar feeling.
I hope you don’t misinterpret what I’m about to say but I miss you. I miss being a part of your life, embarking on new journeys together and sharing in both of our joys. Your friendship has always meant more to me than any title that can be given. Ultimately at the end of the day I did not just LOVE you, I respected you and took pride in our bond. But I’ve learned that our distance is what’s healthiest for you and me.
At the time I couldn’t understand why you would hurt me but my questions have settled and given enough soul searching I’ve come to see the bigger picture. Emotions can make and break a person if given the opportunity. I had to learn the hard way. But like any storm, it passes. And in spite of all the drama, pain and anger you start to see just what was supposed to be.
I would like to thank you, for what you ask? Honestly, for breaking my heart. Had you not, I would not be where I am. You taught me so much about myself. More than I could have learned having everything in my favor. The pain brought me to a place I have never been before, forcing me to deal with emotions I never knew existed. My growth is significant and I’m unbelievably proud of the person I’ve become, partially thanks to you. Had you never let what happened happen I would have never had the chance to meet so many wonderful people, one in particular. And because of this my heart is experiencing a joy I only read about in fairy tell books.
Aside from my gain, I am happy for you and the life you embarked on. The way things ended could have been handled differently but regardless it was the right direction. The choices then seemed hard to comprehend but GOD had a bigger plan for you and I; a blessing in disguise.
There aren’t a few days that pass that you don’t cross my mind. I am okay with admitting that because I know that you and I have moved on to good places in our lives. No more running emotions, just peace and admiration. The past is just that and maybe one day we will be able to call one another friends again. Until then, I pray for you and wish you nothing but the best. I hope you are experiencing the type of love that my heart is filled with today…
Miesh*
