MichelleJoyPhelps

Okay, I am taking my blogging site to another level. Since I give advice on askthehotchick.com to men about dating, I was told that I needed to give my advice on a deeper level and write about it. So what better way to utilize this than my blogging page? I’m not going to lie, I find myself on the opposite end of the phone at least an hour everyday with a friend giving prep talks, love advice or simply encouraging a friend to keep pushing forward with whatever may be bothering them. So here goes…  

Question #1 Miesh, I can’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I first meet these guys who are REALLY into me and once things begin to develop I find that they aren’t so interested anymore. What’s the deal? I mean, I’m not unattractive. Frankly I get approached all the time. Can you help me break this down? Thanks love.

— Girl I can’t stress this more… NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU! No person is ever wrong with going into a vulnerable situation with their hearts. It can just come down to the both of you wanting two different things. MAYBE he was into your spontaneous personality and firecracker attitude and when he saw you becoming less sassy and more sensitive, he realized that he wasn’t looking for more and decides to leave to spare your heart. No fault to anyone, just a change of heart. I always appreciated an honest man even when the truth hurt because at the end of the day no one wants their time wasted. But never beat on yourself. OR since I know you well enough to say this, perhaps men bail because of your constant need of reassurance. I love you girl, you know I do but let’s be real here. We both know that if he doesn’t call you on time or at all, you freak out. Doing this too soon into a courtship can freak any man out, even a good guy who was actually looking for a commitment. TRUST ME, I’ve been guilty of this in the past BUT the important thing is we take note of our mistakes and not make it a repetitive issue. At some point we will have to be the Guiney pig. We will look like an ass for a hot minute but come out of a situation a lot wiser. At this point in my dating life I would rather make these sort of errors in my early twenties than to enter into my thirties completely unaware.  Evaluate yourself and ask yourself if you have made repetitive bad judgments. Not saying you are wrong.  I just think that this can help you to overcome a hurdle you have not seen standing in your way. Love you. Xoxo*

Question #2

I’m seriously involved with a man I love with all my heart but find myself still torn with my past. When I say past I mean my ex boyfriend. I don’t want to still think of my ex but find that I always do. I know you’ve dealt with some difficult situations before also so thought maybe you can help me in this department.

—Yeah this one is tricky. There is no good way to let go of a person you deeply loved at one point in your life. I also know it’s the hardest when you actually saw a future with him. My best advice that worked for me was to let go of all contact or material that reminds you of your past. With life in general, looking back never gets a person too far. I found that getting rid of all memorabilia such as clothing, pictures, music, gifts exchanged and even being MySpace buddies can be dangerous. I also urge you to erase his number from your phone because all it takes is scrolling through your phone to pass his name up on your list to get you thinking of him again. Literally seize all contact. At some point in the future you two may be able to say, “Hey. It didn’t work, we moved on, no more weird emotions, maybe we can be friends.” MAYBE, cause sometimes it takes you being friends again for you to start feeling funny again. Like I said, maybe, only you will know how over it you really are. All in all missy is only time can heal those wounds. There is no magic trick or serum you can drink to make it all go away. That’s the crappy part of falling in love and losing it. Your intentions are good to your new man. I know your loyalty lies there so your uncontrolled thoughts don’t make you a cheater. It’s natural and will eventually go away. I promise. *

Question #3

I’m stuck in a relationship with a person I love but not IN LOVE with. I tried to convince myself that I am happy but in the end, I’m not. I respect him so much because we share a lot of history but he doesn’t do anything for me emotionally, physically or mentally. I know the right thing to do is let him go but it’s so hard. What should I do?

— Let me ask you what’s a harder sentence, letting him down because you realized you weren’t meant to work out or forcing yourself to love a man you no longer desire, therefore find yourself faking a life that isn’t real. Seems pretty obvious to me, does it to you? I’ve found a great deal of respect in my relationship because of the brutal honesty that is involved. Own up to it and let go. Bottom line is we all get the chance to play the victim and heartbreaker at one point in time in our lives. Honey, it will hurt like all hell letting him go at first but in the end you will find yourself happier and freed of a burden you had been carrying. Also, don’t confuse loneliness with love. Many people break up and keep going back to the same person again and again because of comfort and this only doubles the injury. You won’t find yourself missing “him” but missing the comfort you were adjusted to having. I believe every person needs to thoroughly think through a breakup before actually doing it. If you feel you have legit reason to be unhappy or out of love than remember why you chose to end things. Don’t go back after a few months of being single forgetting the sole reason for the split. Because I can promise you that once you reconcile, the same issue will be the reason for the second and final split. Usually going back to an ex after infidelity, abuse, disagreements on your future together, having children and career conflictions will generally fall apart again for the same exact reason. That states the obvious. At the end of the day, we all want to be loved. But I can tell you one thing. I would never want a person who didn’t love me to be with me because he felt bad. That’s probably the worst thing a person can do. Go with your heart and you will never lose. Love you chick!*

More to come… with love always,

Michelle Joy Phelps

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